Religious conversation

Noah came back from his lovely new (Catholic) school today with a question.

“Madame says that Jésus lives in our heart, but I don’t think she’s right. I think he lives with the planets. Where do you think he lives, mummy?”

I earnestly agree that, yes, I think he lives with the planets too, but I don’t have the heart to tell him that Jews (of which Noah is one) don’t believe in Jésus or even his English-pronounced counterpart.

At least not in the messianic way.

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School conversation

“Doan like musique.”

“Doan. Like. Mu. Sique.”

“DOAN LIKE MU SIQUE!”

“DOAN. LIKE. MU. SIQQQQQUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

This is obviously not the 6-year-old, but his 2-and-a-half-year-old sister, and roughly translates as: “Mummy, I don’t want to do gymnastics at school today and am thus refusing to put my plimsolls on.”

Yes, ‘musique’ = ‘gymnastique’ (I think ‘gymnastique’ is quite a mouthful for a 2-and-a-half-year-old, especially when it’s not your native language).

And actually, ‘gymnastique’ = ‘psychomotricité’, which is such a mouthful for even adult native speakers that they don’t in fact bother, and just call it gymnastique instead.

Bathroom conversation

“NOAAAAHHH!”

My son and heir is sitting on the toilet, nonchalantly peeing into the air and forming a puddle on the bathroom floor.

He looks up, seemingly surprised by my angry tone of voice, then he regains his composure and asks,

“Mummy, do you want to kill me?”

I think what gives it away is my failure to reply immediately.

“How would you like to kill me mummy?”

I decide it’s probably best to say nothing and clean the bathroom floor instead.